Where The Wild Holstein Roam.


Last night while tossing and turning and in a NyQuil induced fog my mind wandered on to the idea of what the lives of the wild Holstein cow that animal rights activists like to talk about, must be like. I mean they have to be basing their knowledge off of an actual herd of wild Holsteins, right???

I wrote a poem. You can thank/blame the NyQuil for that. Plant your tongue firmly in cheek before reading.

Funny poem about dairy cows

Where The Wild Holstein Roam.

I’ve been told of a place.

It’s green and lush.

Temperatures always show grace.

In this magical balmy land lives a majestic beast.

The wild Holstein cow.


The wild Holstein cow.

Her graceful lips graze all day.

They pick on blades of native grasses.

To GMO’s, corn and grains, she passes.

She avoids acidosis and releasing methane gases.

The wild Holstein cow. 

Sips water from crystal blue streams.

She is litterbox trained. 

To avoid unsightly manure piles it seems. 

The truth is she doesn’t want water quality to be drained. 

The wild Holstein cow.

Grazes next to the billy goats on hill climb. 

Where her size and frame will not leave dents after a rain

Never to set foot on the flat where quinoa grows sublime.

She’s a social responsible mammal, wasting land is her great disdain.  

The wild Holstein Cow

Her biological clock tick and tocks

Like clockwork on the 21st day

But being in a motherly way isn’t a lock. 

A bull can look but Nay means Nay.

The wild Holstein cow

Rotund, pregnant and happy, lays down to labor.

Gives life to her calf, no need for some sap

to help her deliver.

Never has she heard the words Milk Fever.

The wild Holstein cow.

The perfect mother.

Would never place a hoof on her calf.

Makes just enough milk for her young but no other.

Mastitis unknown, her milk is perfect half and half.  

The wild Holstein cow.

Her life graceful and dignified.

For exactly twenty five years, not twenty six or twenty four.

When she’s gone her body is returned.

To the soil directly under where she stands no more.

Happy New Years everybody. Now go eat some cheese.

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5 Comments on Where The Wild Holstein Roam.

  1. Modern Day Farm chick
    December 31, 2013 at 10:55 am (6 years ago)

    Hahaha! The Wild Holstein….so realistic!

  2. Jennifer
    December 31, 2013 at 12:18 pm (6 years ago)

    I think I may have bruised my cheek….

  3. Azure James
    December 31, 2013 at 6:22 pm (6 years ago)


  4. thefarmingdaughter
    January 6, 2014 at 2:43 pm (6 years ago)

    This is great! Let’s just say I’d much rather be a cow warm, fed, comfortable in our barn and not a Wild Hostein, especially when it’s wind chill of -3 like today!